Day 1, June 19th 2017

Why this blog? Is it not enough to have walked the Camino Santiago de Compostela and just return home? What does happen ‘after’ the Camino? What lessons does the Camino offer?

As I walked my daily 10km route in Halifax, these questions formulated as I felt my now, lightweight backpack on my shoulders, and listened to my feet pound the payment of the city walkways. I have been back now from the Camino exactly 35 days and the initial euphoria of returning has subsided, and what has replaced it is a sense of nostalgia (why?) purposelessness ( what is lacking?), loneliness ( but I have friends and family here) and fear ( yikes!). This may not sound like the bouncy, active, positive, creative person that I may portray. I think that underneath these layers, there lies a deep internal core that sometimes does not get shared or talked about very often…the doubts, the worries, the fear and the insecurities.

This blog is an attempt at finding my own journey through these, in essence creating my own Camino using some of the lessons and wisdom I have graciously received from the Camino Santiago.

For me, Camino Santiago de Compostela is an allegory to life. It is the journey one embarks on, and walking to reach the final destination, Santiago de Compostela. What is later discovered, is that this isn’t the goal at all. It subsides. What surfaces is the experience of the journey, what ‘one’ makes of it, or doesn’t. What we think we are striving for is actually not the end in itself. As quoted y Rand, “And my happiness needs no higher aim to vindicate it. My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose. (11.8)”

And just like the Camino Santiago, we all know we will (may) get there-one way or another. Some will arrive and cheer, others will hobble in and need support, some will arrive and cry, while silt others may never quite make it.

During the first few 100kms of the camino Santiago walk, attitudes change. Strangely, the same feeling I have had today surfaces. The euphoria of the “I am walking the Camino”,” I am happy”, ” I am going to Santiago”, ” I love this walk” etc., gives way to the uncomfortableness of blisters, the pain of muscles, the aching of shoulders, and the sheer worry of ” will I make it?” And yes, this happens to everyone. Personally, I was faced with a physical debilitating situation of an extreme heat reaction which cause my legs to swell to the point where I could not walk further. As per my usual method of sorting out problems, I sought strength/answers/support from  family and friends….HELP! What kept coming back to me was….”Trust/Strength” “This is your Camino, you need to find “your” way. ”

I use this experience today as I start this blog, because I am drawing on this strength that pulled me through the Camino, and using it to trustingly to find my way now.

So, here I find myself on my Monday, June 19th walk 35 days later. I am embarking on my own personal sort of “Camino” to follow my journey though the next 36 days. ( the number that it took me to complete the 800kms Camino Santiago de Compostela)

My goal? Would it be so easy as to have a city that I could walk to? Unfortunately, not. Mine is a more ambiguous destination, or should I say “journey” ? Three important components of this direction includes,

Physical: Walk at least 10km each morning for thirty-six days.

Mental: Focus on being present and in the moment on each walk for thirty-six days.

Spiritual: Reflect in a blog each day.

How will I shape a direction that balances and incorporates these, without worry, fear, or guilt.

Today, I am confident that the Camino strength is transferable. Day after day over 800 kms on the Camino, I found the strength to put one foot in front of the other each day, even though the physical pain said “no”, or fatigue was overwhelming. Today I have drawn on that strength to take the first step.

Buen Camino.

taking my first step…